Someone I love has a pornography or sexual addiction. What do I do now?

As a therapist, I see many clients who love someone who has a pornography or sexual addiction, or is dealing with the addiction themselves. So what happens when you find out?

First you cry, then, you may want to yell or scream at the person. You may hear things coming out of your mouth that you didn't know you were capable of saying, bad words you have only heard before. Then you wonder how you could have trusted someone who has been living a double life, a complete lie. Or you may wonder how you could be that person who lives a lie, and does things that are so against your value system. 

 After the storm settles, you wonder what will happen next? Do I want to stay in this relationship? Will my loved one leave me? Don't make any decisions about the relationship at this time, as none of us make good decisions when we are very emotional!

You need to reach out and get help, but where do you start? Both the person with the sexual acting out needs help, as well as spouse, significant other, or loved one.

There are four things that are helpful in this situation; 1-Education, 2-Therapy, 3-Spiritual Leadership, 4-A 12 Step Program (both the person dealing with the problem and the loved one).  1-There are many educational sources available, here is one; http://salifeline.org/education_pornography_recovery/,  2-Find a good therapist,  3-Talk with your spiritual or religious leader, and 4-Find a 12 Step Program such as Sex Addicts Anonymous http://saa-recovery.org/Meetings/ and http://www.sanon.org/ for family and loved ones of sexaholics. 

Have hope!  With support, individuals can overcome this addiction, and your life will not always feel so out of control and terrible.  If your loved one chooses not to change find out what you can do to make your life better!!